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Excerpt 2:
Chapter Four 1849–1851
Letter from Susie, in Gaelic
Tomasina Farm
Scuttle Hole Road
Bridgehampton, New York
March 2, 1849
Dear Cath,
I cannot say which is worse, my sadness I am losing you again or my fear for you in New York. I pray the grief in your heart fades. You are not yourself and are in no condition to go anywhere, especially to a crude and dangerous place. I cannot lessen your pain, as all mothers, deep inside, question whether they can survive what God has sent you. We are only human and have limits, but I know you. I cannot imagine you being defeated. If you say you must move to New York, I will not try to stop you. Part of me always knew you would not stay with me.
Our lives are moving in different directions. Your future is unknown, but I am a farmer’s wife, and will continue to be. I know what time to get up each day and go to sleep. My chores are laid out for me. This is the life I wanted, but one that would have made you unhappy. You are different not just from me, but from the girls we grew up with. Most of them probably became farmers’ wives, too. There is only one Cath. I understand you must be true to yourself.
I will do anything to help, but I still wish you would stay close. All my roving got used up crossing the sea to be with you. I would ask you to think again, Cath, but I know you, so I will not waste my breath.
Farewell, my dearest.
Your oldest friend,
Susie
Letter from Catherine, in Gaelic
Division Street
Sag Harbor, New York
April 16, 1849
Dear Susie,
I know what you are trying to do, and I thank you for the effort. I will go on, but you must accept me as I am now. Though I will always be your Cath, my soul belongs to a stranger named Catherine. My life must never be threatened again. To shield myself from that fate, I will do whatever is required. I will survive, but not like the girl you ran down the hill with. I must protect myself by banishing Michael from my future.
He left me to suffer death, grief, and despair alone. I cannot afford to be in that position again, as I would not endure it twice. You may think me harsh and unforgiving, but there is no choice. My life and prospects depend on it. I can never, for any reason, go back to those dreadful days.
It was bad enough that Michael was absent, but he did not know what happened and had no way of finding out. He made the choice to disappear from our life together, from me. I refuse to live with that choice. He left me, and now I am leaving him. I am not the little woman, the waiting wife, or the whaling widow. I am Catherine alone. It is no wonder if you do not understand, Susie. I only hope you can accept your friend as she is now.
Your oldest friend,
Cath
Letter from Susie, in Gaelic
Tomasina Farm
Scuttle Hole Road
Bridgehampton, New York
May 1, 1849
Dear Cath,
You may not remember all that happened, Cath, but I was there. We almost lost you, in body and mind. I am happy you returned to us, but I know you are different. You are my oldest friend and now sister through marriage, and I will always love and accept the woman you are. We were always different, and that has not changed. We each have our place in each other’s lives and hearts.
I always wanted to be like my friend Cath. You are a fighter, which is something I will never be. We have different natures, and neither of us can follow the path of the other. We would fail if we tried. I will stay where I am, at the spinning wheel, the laundry basket, the milking stool, and the cradle. I learned the story of your hero, Joan of Arc, in hedge school. You must take up the “Sword of Catherine” that she carried into battle. Only then will you take your proper name in full. Still, you will always be Cath to me.
Your oldest friend,
Susie
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